The General Rule of Chemistry
The general rule of romantic chemistry is: Wolves go with Foxes, Hawks go with Doves.
Wolf/Fox and Hawk/Dove pairings are the ones that feel right to people, the ones that generate passion and connection. This is on display in the classic movie Gigi. People of Painting types are perceptive, and the Painting Satyr who wrote the screenplay, Alan Jay Lerner, correctly perceived how people of the four general types interact in romance.
In the movie, a bubbly Fox goes out on the town with a decorous Hawk. While she has a great time flirting with the room, he fumes and says, “She’s not thinking of me:”
The Fox’s intense feminine / moderate masculine make her too sassy for the Hawk’s comfort, while his intense masculine / minimal feminine makes him too reserved for her to enjoy.
Later in the movie, after the Fox and Hawk have parted, a Dove enters the romantic picture. She’s being raised to be a courtesan, but wants to marry and have a domestic life instead. As a refined and graceful Dove, she’s just right for the Hawk:
What does a Wolf/Fox match look like? A good one looks something like this scene from the classic movie Oklahoma, in which a Fox flits and flirts and finally settles down with a Wolf:
The Fox tests him in three ways: First, she sobs in his arms, to see if he can handle her emotional intensity. Then, she tells him about an aggressive suitor, to see if he’ll protect her. Finally, she feigns indifference, to see if his feelings for her are strong.
The Wolf, for his part, passes all her tests. What makes it a good match is that he does so in a way that’s strong (he calms her down with a take-charge kiss), decisive (he asks her to marry him on the spot), and caring (“I don’t know what I’m gonna do if you don’t.”).
Note: Although Wolves and Foxes evolved for promiscuous mating, their romantic relationships can be happily monogamous.
The Rule of Energetic Intensity
When it comes to romantic chemistry, another rule is in effect: Wolves and Foxes spark with equalized intensity, while Hawks and Doves connect with polarized intensity.
This rule is on display in the movie Revenge of the Nerds. While it looks like a run-of-the-mill ’80s comedy, the movie does a surprisingly good job of showing how Wolves and Foxes of equalized intensity get together and form good matches.
In it, a Dancing Fox meets a Dancing Wolf. At first she tricks him, because he’s a nerd. Then he comes to her in disguise, which nullifies the cultural factors that kept them apart. Once that happens, she feels the Wolf/Fox chemistry that comes with their equalized intensity:
The Dancing Wolf’s best friend is of lower energetic intensity. He’s a Crafting Wolf. When he meets a Gathering Fox whose intensity is the same as his own, they hit it off:
The Gathering Fox would be overwhelmed by a Dancing Wolf’s high-intensity energy, but the Crafting Wolf’s lower intensity makes him a comfortable match for her.
What does the polarized intensity of a good Hawk/Dove match look like? Something like the pairing of the principal characters in Beauty and the Beast. The Fighting Hawk Beast is fierce, while the Tending Dove Belle is quiet, and they discover a quiet, fierce love:
Differences in Chemistry Dynamics
The chemistry of each general pairing works in different ways: Wolves and Foxes snap together like magnets, while Hawks and Doves fit together like puzzle pieces.
| Wolves & Foxes | Hawks & Doves |
| Wolves and Foxes snap together like magnets. They complement each other, and snap together like the opposite poles of two magnets. | Hawks and Doves fit together like puzzle pieces. They complete each other, and click together like matching pieces of a two-piece puzzle. |
| Wolves and Foxes feel the pull of attraction. They emanate erotic energy, like a force field. When they meet, they feel the pull of attraction. Then they kiss each other’s lips—the gateway to the body. | Hawks and Doves feel a wave of recognition. They focus erotic energy, like aiming an arrow. When they meet, they feel a wave of recognition. Then they gaze into each other’s eyes—the gateway to the soul. |
The ’80s movie Sixteen Candles shows how these dynamics work. At the beginning of the movie, a Dancing Wolf is chasing a Tending Dove and getting nowhere:
At the same time, a Fighting Hawk is with a Dancing Fox, and their relationship isn’t working. He’s emotionally checked-out, and literally looking elsewhere:
By the end of the movie, however, the proper pairings have been established. The Dancing Wolf smooches the Dancing Fox. She’s a teen queen, and he’s a freshman geek, but their Wolf/Fox magnetism draws them together:
With chemistry dynamics that are very different, but just as strong, the Fighting Hawk ends up with the Tending Dove. She’s a quiet sophomore, and he’s the school hunk, but with their Hawk/Dove connection, they click:
The Optimal Type Pairings
In romance there are eight optimal type pairings. Pairings other than the ones below can work in romantic relationships, but these are the ones that generate the best chemistry.
| Fighting Wolf & Dancing Fox |
When a Dancing Fox has feminine energy that’s especially intense for a woman of her type, her natural match is a Fighting Wolf, a man who’s intensely masculine. Ronnie and Loretta from the movie Moonstruck exemplify this pairing.
They may be outsiders. This high-intensity Dancing Fox is often labeled “crazy” or “wild.” This high-intensity Fighting Wolf may have been told he’s a “loose cannon” or “problem child.”
They both have strong emotions. Both are powerful people, and when they meet, they get that instinctively. Theirs is a love set on fire. If the modern world doesn’t know what to do with them, well, they know what to do with each other.
They need each other. This Fox needs her leader, a man strong enough to handle her superabundant, sometimes chaotic feminine energy. In the same way, this Wolf craves a woman with just that sort of energy to make his maenad, or “raving one.”
| Dancing Wolf & Dancing Fox |
Dancing Foxes, being very feminine, are fluid. That’s why a Dancing Fox can also match well with a Dancing Wolf, if her energy is of regular intensity for a woman of her type. The song-and-dance duo George Burns and Gracie Allen exemplify this pairing.
They’re both amorous. This Fox sometimes gets a “reputation” for being too friendly with men, but her Wolf counterpart disregards this. He needs a flirty gal who’s naturally amorous like him.
They’re about spark and spice. She’s a saucy, lively woman, and he’s a social, confident man. Someone who’s just pleasant isn’t going to work for either of them. Both need a high-energy romantic partner with style and pizazz.
Their partnership is both loose and tight. At a party, they’ll probably circulate independently, and enjoy talking with other people. At the end of the evening, though, they’ll snap back together and head home for a night of frisky fun.
| Hunting Wolf & Hunting Fox |
When a woman who loves competition and achievement meets a man who loves it too, this is the romantic match that results. Champion tennis players Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf exemplify this pairing.
It’s an energetic yet relaxed pairing. These partners are both intense, yet playful by nature. They play well together, and form a team of two that’s energetic and congenial.
Their physicality should match. If she’s a basketball player, she should be with another basketball player. He’s a tennis player? He’ll click with another tennis player. The same goes for non-athletes: if their love for achievement and adventure is expressed in something other than sports, that works, too.
They’ll probably meet through a shared activity. It’s at a game or business function that the Hunting Fox may meet the man who appreciates her, and the Hunting Wolf may meet the woman who’s not content to just watch an activity, but wants to be in the thick of things.
| Singing Wolf & Singing Fox |
A Fox who sings from the heart, or speaks with feeling, needs a Wolf who does the same. This is the match for them. Duet singers Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. exemplify this pairing.
They want to duet. This Fox wants a man with whom she can duet, and this Wolf is happy to oblige. They have the chemistry to create a stirring, sensual harmony of romance.
It’s a smoothly intense pairing. In terms of the “music of the spheres,” they’re more about melody than rhythm. They can get intense, but it’s a smooth kind of intense. When it’s bedtime, they may set the stage with candles and music.
The diva needs a conductor. If the Singing Fox is a lead singer, a diva, she’ll probably pair up with a Singing Wolf who conducts or arranges the music. If she sings with others, as part of a group or ensemble, she’ll pair up with another singer.
| Painting Wolf & Painting Fox |
The Fox who feels meets the Wolf who sees. This is a match between two creative people who really get each other. The architect and the artist, Charles and Ray Eames, exemplify this pairing.
They both have special needs. This Fox wants a man who can see inside her soul, and who understands the creative process. This Wolf wants a woman who will inspire him in his creative endeavors.
It may not be an easy relationship. Their communion can be deep. They often influence each others’ art in positive ways. But if one of them is selfish, and exhibits the egotism to which Promethean artists are prone, their romance may be emotionally painful.
They’ll know each other on sight. Few people fit the bill for either one, so they gravitate toward each other. When they meet, they’ll be intrigued, maybe fascinated, even obsessed. Their attraction will be palpable, and their first kiss will be a doozy.
| Crafting Wolf & Gathering Fox/Tending Fox |
This is the match for the gracious, friendly Fox who gathers and/or tends, and the genial, industrious Wolf who loves her for it. Jack and Diane, the “two American kids” from the John Mellencamp song, exemplify this pairing.
She feathers the nest. This Fox probably likes shopping, and when she does, she brings home good food. She also provides plenty of warm feelings and/or nice things around the house.
He builds the nest. This Wolf lays the foundation for her life. Whether he improves the house, car, etc. himself, or pays for others to do it, he makes sure that things in their world are in order, so his Nymph can relax.
They’re a couple of lovebirds. In the comfortable domestic environment they create, it’s easy to enjoy life, and that’s what they do. Theirs is a romance of kisses in the kitchen, playful smacks on the fanny, and good times in the bedroom.
| Hunting Hawk & Gathering Dove |
She’s an accomplished gatherer. He’s an excellent hunter. Together they make a match with a lot of natural power and connection. Alvin and Gracie York, the World War I war hero and his “mountain sweeheart,” exemplify this pairing.
She softens his world. This Dove looks out for her Hawk in a practical way, pointing out opportunities and threats. She also brings feminine beauty and softness to his home.
He brings home the bacon. In return, he provides for her, obtaining the resources they need to live well. He brings masculine stability to her world, and sometimes exhibits a “killer instinct” that, when she sees it, makes her feel fundamentally secure.
Their relationship is mutually satisfying. Her impulse to preserve meshes with his power to destroy. Other men may overlook her subtle charms, but he sees a woman of allure. What other women find cold and remote about him, she finds reassuring.
| Fighting Hawk & Tending Dove |
She’s a demure Dove who keeps the home fires burning. He’s a Hawk with fires burning inside him. This makes them well-matched. Harry and Bess Truman, the president and his wife, exemplify this pairing.
She’s his Lady. This Dove cares for her Hawk in a quiet, gentle way. Her graceful feminine refreshes and restores him after his masculine interactions with the outside world.
He’s her Knight. His work in the world beyond their home usually involves providing structure and/or protection, which she appreciates. It means that he can shield her from the world’s sharper edges, making her feel safe and protected.
Their relationship is often passionate. Her impulse to heal complements his power to protect. This pairing, while it might not look it, can be passionate. Their polarized intensity creates strong emotional currents that bring them together in an ardent embrace.
